feel so numb

for days recently, i felt my life is nothing. doing nothing for nothing, unclear, blurry, why i do all of these... i have no words to give the reason of my life. these feels comes, i just doing fun! eat, love,... no more. not very amazing, so what is life for? so what is my life for?

sometimes i fear too much, think what should not to think. sometimes i don't know am i doing good or bad. damn! when i'm doing good, then i get bored, so i do something fun, finally i feel it's too bad to do, so i doing good things, just looks like waiting for that feel again, the feel of bored. cyclic...

i don't have any passion in learning anymore... why? oh god... it's terrible.
i think my English going to worst, i'm just a particle in a small box. don't even have an idea. i'm shaped of my own perspective, strict, ... very discrete.

i'm already shaped.
but i want change, frankly
it's not good